I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
