I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Vodka?
Forever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
