we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
operation have a gay friend backfired
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
