Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
