Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need a beard to bite.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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