Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
