apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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