If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
