turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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