Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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