yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
