Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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