Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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