Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
