i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
