I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
