so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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