Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
