I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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