I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
