Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
