Im at strip club and am horny
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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