Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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