I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...