The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake