Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.