The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot