is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space