I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"