I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
