I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
