How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
