I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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