If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
