Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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