We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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