Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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