you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
