i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
