I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
