Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
we're so committed to being not committed
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