you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
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How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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