and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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