I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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