I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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