just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
