Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
