I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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