Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
3 2 1 whiskey
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
