I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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