you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
