Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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