Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
