It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
