i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
