what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
