Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
