You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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