Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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