i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
