I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
