I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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