Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
