Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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