not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
