sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
