we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
