so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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