Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just googled if crying burns calories
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
