I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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