Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
