i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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