you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize