i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
