I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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