In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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