i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
