I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
