my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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