I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
