I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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