dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
