just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
