The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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