Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
