I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
