hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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