playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
