We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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