All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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