the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize