So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
