I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
